CK Vul: a smorgasbord of hydrocarbons rules out a 1670 nova (and much else besides)

We present observations of CK Vul obtained with the Spitzer Space Telescope. The infrared spectrum reveals a warm dust continuum with nebular, molecular hydrogen and HCN lines superimposed, together with the "Unidentified Infrared" (UIR) features. The nebular lines are consistent with emission by a low density gas. We conclude that the Spitzer data, combined with other information, are incompatible with CK Vul being a classical nova remnant in "hibernation" after the event of 1670, a "Very Late Thermal Pulse", a "Luminous Red Variable" such as V838 Mon, or a "Diffusion-induced nova". The true nature of CK Vul remains a mystery.