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We show that any embedding $\mathbb{R}^d \to \mathbb{R}^{2d+2^{\gamma(d)}-1}$ inscribes a trapezoid or maps three points to a line, where $2^{\gamma(d)}$ is the smallest power of $2$ satisfying $2^{\gamma(d)} \geq \rho(d)$, and $\rho(d)$ denotes the Hurwitz--Radon function. The proof is elementary and includes a novel application of nonsingular bilinear maps. As an application, we recover recent results on the nonexistence of affinely $3$-regular maps, for infinitely many dimensions $d$, without resorting to sophisticated algebraic techniques.